Biffy Clyro - Many of Horror

Love this song and its lyrics:

You say "I love you, boy"
I know you lie
I trust you all the same
I don't know why

'Cos when my back is turned
My bruises shine
Our broken fairytale
So hard to hide

I still believe
It's you and me to the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

Sitting in a wishing hall
Hoping it stays right
Feet cast in solid stone
I got Gilligan's eyes

I still believe
It's you and me to the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

'Cos you said our love
Is letting us go, guess what
Our future is for
Many of horror
Our future's for
Many of horror

I still believe
It's you and me to the end of time

When we collide we come together
If we don't we'll always be apart
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it
When you hit me, hit me hard

Still willing to go a few rounds

Well holiday was great, it may have been the best holiday I have ever had if it wasn't for our situation. We only had sex once the entire time, and we talked about "us" every day, which just annoyed her. We have seldom had sex since coming back although we have moved house, and now have 3 family staying over.

We went to marriage counselling. She declared after the session that it "was a load of rubbish" and she wasn't going back. 1 good thing did come of that though, I really think we have the root 2 issues of her unhappiness now:

1) Lack of romance and the fulfilling sex. She just never raised it in all these years as she saw me as a "good husband" and her as a "bad wife"

2) She has no excitement in her own life, nothing to make her satisfied with her days. In the years we've been married she has seldom had a job or activities that she loves. She has no financial independence and that annoys her.

Family round right now so it's difficult to start addressing these issues. I suppose 1 is my responsibility and 2 is hers. I feel 1 will take considerable time and effort to fix as we never really "clicked" with that even at the start. She declared in the counselling meeting she wants it to be "great every time". Confidence? Where have you gone?

She's looking for a job now, and has joined a tennis club, something she always wanted to do. She also plans on joining a gym (a different one to me as we agreed these things should be done apart). I think these things are great and I am supporting her where possible. They will hopefully take the pressure off issue 1 at least a little.

Stuff that I have changed in my life in the last 4 months:

- started using all these expensive grooming products, love them! and may be turning into a girl, but my skin feels great! Specifically right now I use:

shampoo and conditioner (Men-U and American Crew)
face wash (Lab Series Multi-Action Face Wash)
face mask (Anthony Logistics Deep Pore Cleansing Clay Mask)
face moisturiser (Men-U Matt Moisturiser)
lip balm (Ole Henriksen Fresh Lips-Stimulating Lip Treatment SPF15)
eye cream (Nickel Attention Les Yeux)
hair cream (Lock Stock and Barrel)
tongue scraper (Periproducts Oolitt Tongue Cleanser)
fragnances (Zihr Classic Eau de toilette)

- getting hair cuts from a stylist, not a barber

- bought new clothes and threw away 90% of what I had before - that felt great. I'm buying stuff from Zara now, looks awesome

- turns out I need glasses! I haven't picked them yet though

- motorbike lessons, 4 more lessons to go before I can take my test

- joined a gym, trainer built me a plan to bulk up and am going to go 3 times a week. Have already been a few times to do cardio stuff and felt great after it

- spending more time with my son, who for the first time the other day decided to stay with me at home when wife went out! What a shock that was

- I've been reading "man up" books. I don't think I am really a classic "nice guy" but there's a lot I can learn. I've read "Hold onto your N.U.T.s" and taken notes of what seems important to me. I am starting "No more mr nice guy" now. I have some idea of what I need to change now to be happy with myself. I realised that I actually changed a lot for her over the years and I'm going to change that back. I also realise now I can be very childish and sometimes manipulative, not attractive qualities

- I bought a book on romance and it is filled with ideas! They don't come naturally to me so this will help. I have started planning the first one already. Again if this relationship really doesn't work, should help me for the future.

We are still pretty much at rock bottom, the only good thing is we are being civil, still sleeping in the same bed, still carrying on with life while we work on our own things.

We don't "touch" much and she still never hugs me. She only kisses me when she has to, like a peck when going out. We still have no closeness.

Unfortunately, I feel issue number 1 may never be able to be "fixed" but I have to try.