some relief

Something good happened last night. We talked.

I managed to express my insecurity about the relationship. I told her I need to know that she wants this to be forever, that she really loves me and that I need more optimism about it, rather than just "wait and see".

We managed to talk without arguing which was great. I suggested we weren't good at communicating, she said it was only me that wasn't and that she told me everything. That's certainly not true, but I can live with that for now.

She has been out all day at a friends with our son. I text her 20mins ago and she hasn't replied yet. I won't text or contact again, she may just be driving home.

I know I am still going to be jealous and we'll still have issues, but at the moment I feel much better that she has just come out and said that she "loves me to death", even if I did put those words into her head.

I need a whole lot of reassurance so I can start rebuilding the trust, and I got a tiny little, and it felt good.

She just text back, an annoying 2 word reply but I'll take that for now.

Oh, incase I missed it in the last update, 3 things unsettled me recently:

- she puts a calendar up on the wall right next to the one we used to share and she starts using that. I mean WHY would she do that!
- she no longer wants to have any more kids, sudden turnaround
- she logs into MSN with her maiden name

All 3 suggest to me that she is trying to maintain her independence. When questioned about them though, she has all her reasons which may or may not be true. It may or may not be that she just wants to remain independent but they all hurt a little, and make me question how much she loves me and how dedicated she is to this relationship.